Here I Am…Change is Comin’

It’s been a full week here in our new home, our new city.  So far, the only real complaint is that the maintenance people still haven’t shown up to fix the faucet in our shower, which is currently not allowing us to change the temperature from the present hot to even just warm or cooler. 

Our moving truck still hasn’t shown up yet, nor have we gotten an update to whether it’s left the warehouse or not, but somehow, we’ve gotten used to it and it doesn’t seem to be much of a problem…to me anyway.  I don’t mind living simple, although I would like to get our daughter’s bed, and just the thought of all of our things being somewhere other than in our possession kind of sucks.  Otherwise, living simple is kind of peaceful to me.  The only stressful thing about it is having to deal with the agent trying to get information and handle mistakes we keep finding, and not getting calls back, and furthermore, having to be in this constant waiting game just in case the movers call and say they are a couple hours away…or here (and we’re not), or waiting for the maintenance people.

Otherwise, it has been a pretty great week.  God has been good and ever present.  Our daughter started out school on a good note and has already made a few friends to help make her school day go by better and have friends to invite over so she can have something of a social life as well.  She’s been able to make a few friends both at school and from around the complex, despite the fact that we’ve found the population around the complex to be a majority of college aged people.  And while we still have to worry about her finding her way around the right ways and the wrong ways to become accepted into groups of friends, we are thankful that she is already finding people to start interacting with.

There were quite a few errands that we needed to get done this week, as new residents of Arizona.  My wife needed to get some things done for her medical issues, so she got that done earlier this week, and also met a new friend whilst doing so.  We spent some time with my wife’s mom, helping her get acquainted in town and with her new doctor here, which was followed by an amazing breakfast at this little cafe nearby.  Mmmm…biscuits and gravy with a side of corned beef hash and eggs over-easy.  Yes, I splurged on my gut but it was worth it.  It tasted amazing.  Cindy’s Cafe in Mesa…if you’re in town, try it!  And since we’re still trying to put a few things together here, while waiting for the rest of our things to show up, we stopped at a Goodwill store to buy a few items that we could use as fill-in’s.  So far, the help we’ve gotten with all the little fill-in’s we’ve needed has come at just the right time and with much blessing.

Now, admittedly, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I’m not sure why.  And I’m not sure if it has anything to do with why I woke up in so much pain on Wednesday or not, but, I woke up unable to turn my head much at all and a pain in my shoulder like a poker had just been stuck right through and left there for decoration.  This made the day kind of difficult to deal with, physically, yet thankfully, I didn’t have anything physical to do.  I still had to wait around for the maintenance people and that wasn’t going to be very hard to do, so I just decided to take it easy and get some stuff done online that I needed to get done as well.  The pain persisted and I just carried on, although later on, my physical day got worse.  I hadn’t eaten much that day and I started getting symptomatic as my blood sugar started getting lower, felt like I was going underwater, and had to get some food/sugar fix.  All that got fixed with the help of my wife and daughter, then soon after I started feeling an amazingly intense pain in my lower abdomen.  Yes, this was my PMS week and I could immediately attribute this to early cramping, but this was intense…and scary.  I had starting praying because I didn’t know why the pain was so bad, and with everything going on lately with my health…all the weight loss, etc, I just really didn’t know what to think.  But thankfully, the pain has subsided, and the fear…for God is with me, and He won’t let me be afraid of silly thoughts that are impossible.  (Like, really, I couldn’t have possibly been having a miscarriage when it would have been impossible for me to get pregnant…and no, I really don’t think it’s possible that my uterus can just fall out…I don’t know)

Shoulder still out of whack, still have things to do, and no…we can’t sit and wait for the maintenance guys forever.  We needed to go get our licenses so we could continue pursuing the other things we needed to do as new AZ residents.  We walked in and saw way too many people for my liking and were told that the wait time was about an hour and a half…not like that was any surprise to me.  Had I been back in Michigan, that would be average or less time. 

Friday night, date night.  My wife and I decided to meet up with a group that she had joined on Facebook, some social group in the area that coordinates all these meet-ups at different locations every week at different venues that have, most times, a free finger food buffet, very cheep date if you ask me, plus we got to meet new people…so that was fun.  Although, I wasn’t feeling well so we kind of had to call it an early night, but we still were blessed to have met another friend who had similar interests.

Saturday came and went with not much to talk about.  The maintenance guys never showed up, which they had said they would, and our plans to head downtown to walk around never got off the ground because our energy, by then, had failed us.  We rented movies instead and took full advantage of a completely lazy day while our daughter found, yet another, new friend to enjoy the day with.  In fact, as I sit here writing, she just brought another friend over that she met a few days ago from the complex.  Seems all is going well.

Oh wait, I wouldn’t want you to think that all is puppy dogs and candy canes here just because we took a leap of faith, embraced God to the fullest, moved away from a land of negativity and into a land of hope and peace.  There are still struggles.  This week we had to struggle with inner demons that cause us to make bad decisions for really silly reasons.  Some of us had to learn that stealing and lying is a betrayal that is inexcusable to the heart of those who love you most, and that it’s not so much what the object is, it’s the fact that you sin against them that hurts the most.  And while it can be forgiven, it’s something that needs to be overcome to become the kind of person that people, including the people who love you most, want to be around, to be able to trust you and to be able to trust in who you are.

In that lesson as well, another lesson was taught.  If you handle things differently, you just may get different results.  In the past, I’ve handled my disappointment and anger with even more anger and disappointment.  I’ve come back to the situation with punishment and ready for war, armed with hurt and disrespect.  However, in this particular situation, having taken some time away from the problem at hand, speaking rationally with my wife about it, praying about it, taking into consideration that I drove over 2,000 miles just to seek out whatever it was that God was calling me to, some of which was change, peace, and positivity, I decided to return to the situation with my weapons holstered and teach, for the moment, that I did not want to associate with a person who does such things.

That evening, I attended, with my wife, a Course In Miracles, a course through the Unity Church, which she found that morning while online.  The message given, summarily, was “what are we teaching?” 

Well, that was it.  What was I going to teach my daughter if all I was going to continue to do was get angry with her, punish her, take privileges away, ignore her, and consciously be “just cordial” just because.  Nothing.  I needed to teach her that what she did was wrong and why.  And the next day, when I was feeling better, when we could come together and talk, we did, and we are better now…and she has been better.  Step one…completed.

On to step two…it’s Sunday.  We’ve attended our second church service since being here in Arizona, and while I’m still in a state of peace and commitment of faith, I’m left feeling stagnant and hungry for a message and service that really hits me.  Last week, I thought maybe it was just because I missed my old church, my old choir, the delivery of everything…but now, I’m not sure what it is.  I’m missing something and I don’t know where to find it.  However, Reverend Julianne did say something today that did hit me.  Each one of us is a minister in our own way, that we each need to find what it is that is that we are being called to do, then take it, and embrace it.  For a moment today, in her church, a small Unity church, recently formed, I thought maybe I was being called to minister somewhere…but I’m a babe in the woods.  I still know practically nothing of The Bible.  All I have is my faith and the sense that I’m supposed to tell someone about it.  So where does that lead me?  What am I supposed to do with that?  I’ve already started with this blog…but now what?

The only thing I can think of now is…

“Here I am, Lord.  Is it I, Lord?  I have heard you calling in the night.  I will go, Lord.  I will go, Lord.  If you lead me.  I will hold your people in my heart.”

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