Still….

Shhhhhh….be still…..be quiet….

Sometimes when all the noise in the world penetrates the, already blaring, noise in your head and heart, it’s good to just quiet yourself and stop adding to the noise.  You just might be able to hear something that you’ve been trying to listen for.

I’ve been reading the book of Job.  It’s an amazing book!  I’ve completed it already and have started reading it again.  One would say, that through all Job’s turmoil, that he’s talking too much, complaining too much, preaching too much, perhaps even getting impatient and upset with those that are trying to help him.  It’s understandable, he’s suffering…and doesn’t know why.  As humans, it always feels right to question why things happen…we demand reasons, we demand that the world knows what’s right and wrong, and furthermore, we demand that the world knows when we are right and wrong.  But sometimes…it just doesn’t matter.  Sometimes, it’s just better to let things play out…go through it and grow through it.  Even when we are being hurt in the process.

While going through those struggles and hurt, we can’t deny that we still feel the emotion.  I’m feeling emotion.  I can’t deny that there are circumstances around me that I can’t control and they are bringing about sadness, anger, bitterness, probably a whole host of emotions that I can feel at any given moment.  In fact, I’m feeling one right now that I wish I didn’t, simply because something special is not being acknowledged.  But oh well.  There’s nothing I can do about it.  That’s why I’ve chosen, as of this last week, in the trial I’ve been given, to be still and know that He is God.  It is better for me to say nothing at all than to say anything and risk the backlash.  All will be handled in it’s due time and by someone who is both more powerful than me and more meaningful than me.

I had a dream a couple nights ago where I was running through the rain, along a street I wasn’t quite familiar with, but perhaps somewhat familiar with.  Maybe I was only familiar with it in my dream.  I was able to do things that I couldn’t do in reality…jumping higher than an apple tree, doing flips, running without getting out of breath….in this dream, I was letting out things inside of me that I can’t do in reality.  It felt good in the dream…I wish I could do it in real life.  But when I woke, the first thing I could think of was another one of my favorite HIM songs.

~Lord, please bless this day, the anniversary of my mom’s birth, and please guard her health that she may have another birthday to celebrate.  Thank you for all the blessings you’ve bestowed upon us, even in the form of trials and tribulations, where we’ve grown in spirit and are continuing to grow.  Please watch over our travels and health, and see that we find togetherness in our daily lives.  In your most precious name I pray.  Amen~

Advertisements

The Gospel of Chaos 1:1

One would think that with all this chaos in my mind and heart right now, I would have so much to say, yet, I’ve been staring at this screen for at least half an hour and haven’t been able to think of one thing to say.  I went to church with my mom this morning, took notes, and still can’t figure out what to say. 

Yes, I’m at my mom’s house…in Texas.  My wife and I went shopping last Wednesday afternoon and, after a phone call about some test results, left the store before we had anything in the cart and started packing…leaving about four hours later and driving sixteen hours through the night to get here the very next day.

So now I’m here and there should be so much to say because there is so much going on but, alas, I’m unable to purge anything…my tear ducts even seem to be in a form of drought, despite my desire for them to just bust wide open, hopefully relieving this heaviness on my chest and this tightness in my throat.

Surely there must be a word to define all that I’m feeling…sad, hurt, fear, anxiety, stress, anger, bitterness, defensive, exhausted, yet, at the same time, showing calm, patience, a sense of reason.  My wife is scared because this is not how I should be acting…and I would agree with her, I’m a little scared too, but I’m leaning more on the calm side, finding comfort in my Heavenly Father, that He is guiding me through this darkening part of my journey.

I feel like I’m in one of those boxes they used to have on game shows where blasts of air come in and send money or whatever all around the box as everyone watches, while the contestant has to struggle to catch and hold onto their prize…except in my box, emotions are flying around, and because they are intangible, I can’t grab them and hold onto them long enough to focus on each one.  At the moment they’re just kind of hitting me and bouncing off until they come back later and hit me again…I hope that changes, I’m sure it will later down the road.  But for now, this box is filled with emotions, memories, and unhealed wounds that hit and sting…if only for a moment, then fly off in another direction again.

Life is scary, strange, imperfect, full of struggles and that’s what makes us who we are so that when we get to the next part of the journey, we’re somehow prepared, even if we’re torn down to nothing just to be built up again just so we can learn how not to be so torn down the next time.  The Lord shows us the truth about ourselves through the life that we lead and the choices we make, sets us down on our path at birth and allows us to come to the forks in the road, and with each direction we choose, He shows us our truths, whether we like them or not.  Our desire in life, well, at least my desire, is to please Him, so that I may be counted among those beside Him in the Kingdom of Heaven, having felt His nudges, understood and carried out His word, and faithfully followed Him on my journey toward Heaven.  Sometimes, to get there, we have to go through a great deal of crap, endure emotional turmoil, pain, shame, live with memories and embedded behaviors that have no purpose, other than to remind you that you are stronger than that now…that the power within you is greater than the circumstance around you.  And the more you commit to that desire, the more truth will come out, but the more truth you find out, the more at peace you will become…because God does not want us to hurt more than we have to.

There are many ways to translate the phrase In Venere Veritas, a song title by the band HIM.  The lead singer, of course, is the only one who knows what he meant by it, but, it’s art and therefore open to interpretation.  In…is simply “in”, venere is “Venus” and veritas is “truth.”  In Venus is truth!  Huh?  The truth is on a planet?  No.  Uh oh…the truth is within the goddess Venus?  We’re not supposed to worship any other god…so now what?  How about we look at the symbolism!  First, the symbol of Venus is a cross with a circle on top of it. 

venus_women_symbol_decor-e1388197881290

The cross, representing our spiritual connection to the universe and the circle representing our inclusive connection to the universe.  The attributes of venus are love, allure, desire, beauty, passion, harmony, affection, sexuality, creativity, attraction, inspiration, femininity, aesthetics, imagination, appreciation, relationships, and unification of opposites. All that being said, could it not be said that these attributes are what should be aimed for, careful to not find ourselves with over-abundance, but that it’s quite possible that in the desire to be the kind of person that is those things, the truth about ourselves, and the Truth of the Lord, is going to help lead us there, keep us there, and grant us the keys to the gates of Heaven, where we can leave all the baggage we’ve been carrying along the way behind?  Sounds good to me anyway…at least right now…

~Dear Lord Jesus, you know my needs better than I do, so I ask that you continue to guide me with your love so that I may have the strength, the courage, the wisdom, and the ability to continue this journey and fight the battles ahead of me and not lose sight of hope in the face of the struggles ahead of me.  I ask that you watch over all of us in our travels, and in our daily health so that nothing shall overtake us that doesn’t need to right now, Lord.  Thank you for your many daily blessings and lessons.  In your highest, most holy name, I pray, Lord.  Amen~

The End Is Near!

In the movies, there would be someone cast to play the homeless looking crazy person holding a sign proclaiming “The End Is Near.”  Why do they have to be homeless and crazy looking to be feeling like the end is near and be the one’s with the guts enough to proclaim it?  Can not I, a well groomed, “sane enough” person with a home feel the same way and believe and proclaim the same thing and have it not get the same effect?  Who is the world going to believe when someone tries desperately to tell them that the end is near, when they’ve neglected to listen to all the warnings already placed before them, even when one of those people was Jesus himself?

Jesus has said that when the hearts of the world become cold, and when mothers and fathers are turning against sons and daughters, when neighbors are turning against neighbors, and when we have displeased Him enough, when we’ve turned blind eyes and hearts to the world around us and the well of compassion has run dry here on Earth, He will put an end to the war…claim all whom is His, whom have faithfully taken Him into their hearts and followed Him toward the Kingdom of Heaven, leaving the rest for the devil, for they have the less righteous path.

Yet still, with everything that has been going on in this world, we do not yield and think, and while some do think, they do not act.  Socially, this world has become like hell on Earth, forcing people to act in desperation, leading to sins of unbelievable magnitude, even over small things.  The baby won’t stop crying?  Mothers are putting duct tape over their mouths or stuffing them is boxes, kicking them until they are quiet, yet they have not quieted because of the kicking, but because they are dead.  People are robbing others, often times killing them, to get money to pay for food.  People pick fights over small things, shoes, cutting in line, parking spaces, taking the last one of something…yet the argument goes beyond any normal sense of civility, considering the offense, often times getting the police involved for mediation, or worse, to pick up a dead body at the end of it.  People picket churches, calling them greedy, because they want to build a complex on a piece of property that would offer shelter for low-income families in need, but people would rather call a church greedy than helpful, and oppose them building on that property instead.

The world is out for themselves, every man for themselves.  When we were growing up and we had a fight with our siblings, one of our first retorts were “it’s not fair, ” and our parents were quick to tell us that “life isn’t fair.”  Well, brothers and sisters, here on Earth, especially now, life is not fair.  All the sense of right and wrong that we grew up with, even according to the Bible, is backwards.  We can stand up for what we believe is right, only to be told it’s wrong, because Man’s law does not follow God’s law, and society, anymore, has no respect for either law.  Therefore, right is wrong, and wrong is right, and backing down from what is fair, just, and right is the right thing to do in order to save yourself from Man’s law or death by Man’s stupidity.

And God is not happy with what He sees.  He’s been trying to tell us, but people aren’t listening.  You think all these insanely huge natural disasters lately have just been the natural progression of the Earth’s aging process and global “whatever they want to call it?”  No, it’s not.  It’s God telling us that we’re screwing up, disrespecting Him, and He’s none too pleased with us.  That we have taken what He’s given to us and smacked Him in the face with it.  He created the Earth for us and we’ve destroyed it, and continue to do so, not just with further advancements in technology, but with warfare.  He gave us the gift of salvation and people turn it away.  He gave us Him, someone to have Faith in for all eternity, that knows us better than anyone, yet still people do not Trust in Him, even to provide a meal.  He gave us Love, the greatest gift of all, and yet people only share it with those whom they deem worthy of it, instead of sharing it with everyone, automatically keeping us from peacefully co-habitating with everyone on Earth, and automatically separating us from God, who Loves us ALL.  And He gave us Hope, which, without fully indulging in the other two, we have no way of ever nourishing for ourselves, and certainly have no way of nourishing for those around us.  Thus, looking at the majority of the world, it looks pretty damn hopeless.

And here we are, faithful Christians, doing our best to follow the Word of Christ, keep Him fully in hearts while under attack from the less Christ-like, struggling in almost every way imaginable.  We thank God every day for the blessings He’s bestowed upon us, for the meal He provided for us when we weren’t sure where it was coming from, for the gas money that came out of nowhere, for that check that came in the mail that we weren’t expecting that paid for that thing we were wondering how we were going to get money for, etc.  We pray every day for good health, safety, peace around us and within us, and strength to continue our journey toward His Kingdom, with Him as our Shepherd.  Yet all the while, we are under attack from every angle, be it the guy in the parking lot who gets mean and out of control when we act out of fairness and hold true to what’s right, or under attack from the man who looks for any small detail he can find to try to get money through deceit, all at our expense.

The more we puff up and claim that those demons who attack us will fail because we our children of God, and we have God to protect us, more demons come out to attack.  Our son, the other day, told his mother that, because of this, we must be doing something right, for if we weren’t under attack at all, then we must be on the wrong side of things.  It makes sense, although having to be in the midst of it is chaos at times, although I know I’m in the right, and I’m happy to proclaim my Love for God and that I’m doing my best to do right by him…so it’s bittersweet.

So while the world is in the shape it’s in, I still have my greatest gifts, my salvation, Faith, Hope, and Love.  Now, in the midst of all the “sweet pandemonium,” I just need to find the peace within it, so I don’t lose my mind, as it certainly feels like I have been.  I was in tears the other night just because I was made to feel like I was wrong when I knew I was in the right, at least mostly.  Of course, further Bible readings in Matthew lead me to understand that sometimes you just gotta walk away and let the other person have it.  It’s not easy being a follower, it’s not easy being faithful, it’s not easy being hopeful, it’s not easy to love, and it’s certainly not easy to find peace in all of this, but Jesus does not want us to suffer.  He gave us peace through his Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit resides within us, as long as we concede to allow the Holy Spirit to guide us.  Jesus knows us and our lives and what it is we are supposed to be doing with it, the more we try to remodel his Temple, as each one of us is His Temple, the more resistance we’ll get.  If we just let it be, take the day, take the circumstances, take it in and pray about it, He, The Holy Spirit within us, will guide us with our next step…all we need to is let go and let God.  In that, we’ll find peace.

~Dear Lord, I humbly pray to you, as my Father in heaven, who knows all that I need, to bless me and family with all the strength, courage, and wisdom right now to travel the road ahead of us, overcoming all obstacles in our way of You.  Thank you for all the blessings you continue to bestow upon us each day.  Please use us, Your servants, to help the down-trodden of the world to see Your Light, Lord, so that we may help lead others to You and help this world get back on track to a more peaceful, Faithful, Loving, and Hopeful society.  In Your most precious name, I pray.  Amen~