While it’s only been a little over a year since I started this blog, it seems like just as long since I’ve contributed to it. My journey, full of spirit and joy, took one too many of a tumble and, for reasons that I both care not to, and can’t even explain, I couldn’t even think about standing up and moving forward, especially when it seemed my journey had led me backward.
Somehow, however, between there and here, I’ve managed to muster up enough energy to start to stand up, and at the very least, start dusting myself off, glancing at this mountainous journey ahead of me still, and still willing to entertain it. Something still awaits me and if I know nothing else about myself at this point, I at least know that I’m curious and hopeful enough to check into it. I may not have the best tools for the job, and I may not use the right tool for the job, but my heart is in the right place, and hopefully it will all be enough for God to love me.
So much happened on the way down the last time that I don’t even want to bother talking about all of it. I just know that there were probably plenty of opportunities for me to grab onto something as I slid, but I failed to notice. Of course I failed to notice, I never noticed on the way up either. On beautiful days I kept my eyes to the sky and just let my feet land where they may, not noticing my left or my right, and on dreary or stormy days I kept my eyes toward the ground, unable to see anything but where I was able to plant my feet. I cheated myself out of half of the journey by not looking around and taking in the sights or moments. All I was doing was moving.
I’m trying to do better now. Some days are sunny, some are stormy, but there are still things to the left and the right that I can check out. I can glance away from the heavens for a moment, I can try to turn off the other noises, and I can look at you, or us, or all of us. I can tilt my head up from the ground and find the same.
Along most trails, there are marked areas for things to do, or best scenery, or something like that. I’m trying to not keep passing them by just to get through the trail. I don’t want to miss the point of everything, the beauty of it all, the reason behind it all, and the memories of it all.
I’ll get to where I’m going eventually, I may get lost, I may get to where I hope I wouldn’t be, either way, I will have gone knowing I made the best journey of it that I could, and that I blazed the trail with the best intentions.
~Dear Lord, what I ask of you today is for wisdom, to know when I’m taking my life and family for granted, and to know how to be the best me I can be, for the sake of myself, my family, and for all your people. In your most precious name, I pray. Amen~