A Love Song

Yesterday I saw/heard a commercial, not a new one by any means, but one that caught me off guard and threw me into heartache and tears, after which, it was very hard for me to recover from for the day. 

The commercial was for the final movie for Breaking Dawn.   I know, you’re thinking, what the heck?  Well, this is the part where I tell you a little story. 

I was not crying because I was once again faced with the fact that Breaking Dawn is now over, I was crying because of the memories of the day when I went to see it.  My step-daughter and I had made a special date to go see the movie back on December 15th, we’ve made it a point to see all the movies together, kind of our thing, and maybe I’m the only one that thinks so between the two of us.  We sat and watched almost two hours of a movie that revolved around immortality, and of course, immortality won out in the end.  I had gotten phone calls during the movie but, it’s a movie, can’t use my cell, so I didn’t answer them.  At the end of the movie, with tears in our eyes, my step daughter and I looked at each other with a sigh and I said, “well, it’s the end of an era.”  I didn’t know how true that statement was when I said that, and I didn’t know that the tears I had been crying for a movie were only a precursor to a real ending.

 That particular day was also my brothers’ birthday, whom I saw had called me during the movie.  I felt bad for him having to call me for a “happy birthday,” but I called him back and he was very distant and short.  Hmm.  I called my mother-in-law back and she said they were at my house and to come home before going to dinner.  I also knew that my step-daughters birthday was coming up soon and we thought maybe something was going on with that.  We weathered the pouring down rain on the way home, talking about the movie, wondering what exciting plans the family had brewing for when we arrived. 

I walked in the door and the entire side of my wife’s family was here, as my wife was in Texas with my mom taking care of her following a surgery she had.  As I walked in the door, my cousin handed the phone to me and it was my wife, who was tasked with delivering me the news that my mom had died. 

Chaos and death was surrounding my family while I was in a movie and I didn’t even know it.  I was the last to know. 

So that’s the story of the commercial and why it hurt me so much to see it, even just to hear the music that went along with it.  The music, more specifically, is what got me, with the words saying, “I’ve loved you for a thousand years, and I’ll love you for a thousand more.”  Now, yes, this is a love song.  But all I could hear in this song at that moment was how much my mom loved me and how much I loved her.  And as the day progressed, and the tears remained steady, I almost had to detach myself from my heart just to not cry.  In fact, as I write this, feel it all over again, I cry. 

Yet, the more I detached my heart, the more my heart and mind reminded me that I a person with feeling and a person that is loved, no matter from life or death.  My mom may not be alive anymore, but she loves me from Heaven, and I love her from here into Heaven.  And I am a person that is loved here on Earth from my wife, family, and friends every day and in any way they can express it, and hopefully I accomplish the same. 

And in the grand scheme of it all, God loves me, and I love Him.  And the more I was reminded of the song yesterday, as it wouldn’t stop running through my head, it eventually started leaning more toward how much God has put forth his love for me, not only to give me life, but to have given me to my mom, and to all those around me, and given me the heart to love not only them, but Him, all with such depth and joy, and for them to love me back just as much.

This one is for God, and for my mom.

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Stand

(I haven’t written here in a long time, but today is the day, and this goes out to my mom, I miss you)

It seems one of our first major accomplishments in life is to be able to stand.  Parents devote countless hours in helping us be able to do so, as well as placing them on standby with their cameras on the ready to capture the moment when we finally let go of their hands, or whatever we’re holding onto, and stand.  I wish I could tell you about the first time I stood on my own, but I can’t, I don’t remember the details when my mom told me and I can’t ask her. 

Yes, after this stage, there are countless first accomplishments we have left, but “standing,” it seems, is the most important act in our lives that we will have ever had to learn.  Yes, walking is important too, but we can’t do that, unless we first learn to stand. 

First, we weren’t only created to stand upright, as in a vertical position, but we were also created to stand as upright, moral beings.  From the moment we’re brought into this world, we’re taught morals and values, through parents, family, teachers, and some of society what it takes to be upright people in the eyes of God and others. 

As we grow up, we become aware of adversity in the world, and what people are capable of doing and saying to others, and to us, that can hurt us.  We are taught, in these cases, how to stand up for ourselves.  We are also tested with learning how to stand up for other people as well.

We learn throughout our life and our experiences what is important to us, and we learn that at times these things get threatened, such as our comforts, our jobs, our decisions, our families, our lives, our country, our God.  In times like this, we learn how to stand our ground, and we also learn how to stand beside each other to achieve our goals.

There are also many times we come across stumbling blocks in our journey, we fail, and we fall.  Sometimes we take so many hits it seems impossible to get back up again.  It is in these times, when it seems when we are most alone, that we must learn how to stand alone. 

At the moment, I feel like I’m back at the beginning stages again.  I think I’ve missed some stages along the way, and while I learned to walk, I haven’t learned to “stand” all the way along the way.  So while I have all this time to sit and ponder, the result of a broken ankle, divine intervention, if you ask me, I believe I should learn to stand. 

I’ve been hobbling around on a walker like a baby, and being rolled around in a stroller the same way for the past few weeks.  In a few weeks, I’m going to have to learn to stand on my own two feet, and while that’s spoken literally, the fact of the matter is, since I lost my mom in December, I’ve been having to stand on my own two feet. 

I’ve never had to before and I haven’t been doing a very good job.  Now I have no choice but to learn.  At the end of this physical and emotional journey of healing and mourning, I believe I will stand taller.  If nothing else, be able to stand again. 

Ephesians 6:13

“Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, after you have done everything, to stand.”